Monday, 13 May 2013

All that it takes

I don't know about other mental illnesses, but bipolar is so exhausting. For me, the most exhausting thing about it is all the pretending. Pretending I'm OK, pretending everything is fine, pretending I am living a normal life. On top of the pretending is the surviving. Just getting through each day so I can go home, retreat mentally and gather my strength for the next day. And if its not the bipolar doing it, its the meds.

I'd like to have an active life. I'd like to swap my flat shoes for heals, pop on some make up and dash out to dinner after work now and then. Weekends away would be nice too, but I. just. can't. I'm too tired.

I'd like to go bush walking, or mountain bike riding, or dancing the night away. There is so much I'd like to do but if I achieved even half of it, I'd know I was hypomanic.

And if its not the disorder inhibiting life, it's the meds!

Bipolar. Its exhausting.

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